Frustration, FRUSTration, FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:30  AM… have alarm clock set for 5:45 AM… tried to sleep… not working too well… It’s just been a frustrating day… lately it seems like whenever a door opens a crack & I crawl my way over and manage to just barely get my fingers around the door frame… along comes a gust of wind that not only blows the door shut, but amputates my fingers… leaving me with raw bleeding stumps…

I could get specific, but I’m trying not to be bitter… but lately it just seems like NOTHING that could fall into place will.  I want to be angry or mad, but instead I’m more hurt, defeated, and frustrated.  I’m at my witts end. 

I’ve already lost John.  My son has lost his father.  I think I’ve lost enough. 

Instead it is conveyed to me… John had the wrong type of cancer… sorry about your luck… he’s dead… move on… get over it… my life goes on… yours should too… The powers that be say I make too much money even though I don’t make nearly enough.  Yet the money won’t stretch far enough… I had a dream… John helped US reach that dream… and now we might lose it.    And what are we without dreams?

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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