1:30 AM… have alarm clock set for 5:45 AM… tried to sleep… not working too well… It’s just been a frustrating day… lately it seems like whenever a door opens a crack & I crawl my way over and manage to just barely get my fingers around the door frame… along comes a gust of wind that not only blows the door shut, but amputates my fingers… leaving me with raw bleeding stumps…
I could get specific, but I’m trying not to be bitter… but lately it just seems like NOTHING that could fall into place will. I want to be angry or mad, but instead I’m more hurt, defeated, and frustrated. I’m at my witts end.
I’ve already lost John. My son has lost his father. I think I’ve lost enough.
Instead it is conveyed to me… John had the wrong type of cancer… sorry about your luck… he’s dead… move on… get over it… my life goes on… yours should too… The powers that be say I make too much money even though I don’t make nearly enough. Yet the money won’t stretch far enough… I had a dream… John helped US reach that dream… and now we might lose it. And what are we without dreams?