Busy day

Yesterday, I bought a bike trailer at Target.  It was on clearance 50% off.  John had always wanted to take Nathaniel on a bike ride, but never got the chance.  And there I was out and about not looking for one & there they are 50% off.  I got it.  I worked on assembling it, but didn’t get it finished till this AM.

Nathaniel & I headed into town with the purpose of visiting the cemetery, picking up lunch, and getting a book at the library that had been on reserve.  However, when I checked mail, I discovered that a life insurance check had arrived… so heading to the bank to add another NBRS Reward Checking account was added to the list.  To me, life insurance seems like putting a price on somebody’s life and I HATE that.  I’d so much rather have John.  Somebody referred to life insurance as a way that he looked out for us… but if you look at it that way… he should have had more policies 😦

I still remember how much it hurt him when after Nathaniel was born, he went to HR to add him to the insurance.  John wanted to increase our life insurance amounts too.  Mine was approved.  His declined.  I remember how much that hurt both of us.  To us, John was a cancer SURVIVOR at that point… he’d been in remission for well over a year and we felt like everything was good.  The decline hurt.  Of course now I know how much it really hurts.  Had he been able to increase, John would have gotten enough to pay off the house.  That is what he’d always say when I needed to fill out my paperwork for work… “just get enough to pay off the house.”

Funny thing is… insurance companies don’t like to cover people with a history of cancer.  We’d looked all over the place with no luck.  Moral of the story is… IMO get enough life insurance when you’re young and healthy to provide for your family.  You never know what lemons life can throw at you.  I have a friend who’s husband is a 28 year cancer survivor and she told me that he can’t get life insurance because of his cancer history.

Anyway… we got all of our in town tasks accomplished.  I’ve often wondered what cashier’s think of people’s odd grocery store purchases… like all sorts of junk food & a diet soda… or when I go to get the ingredients for the scratches remedy which includes things like triple antibiotic, anti fungal, diaper rash ointment, and an anti-itch medicine.  Today, I wondered what Librarians must think of eclectic book combinations

1st the book I had reserved- Widows Wear Stilettos:  A Practical & Emotional Guide for the Young Widow

Teach Yourself Visually:  Guitar

Animals as Teachers & Healers

10 Little Rubber Ducks

Puppy Love

The Everything Career Tests Book

Dooby Dooby Moo

Quite the odd combo of books.  For the record… I have no intentions of wearing stilettos… Although, I’d be more than qualified to write a book called “The Widow Who Tried to Wear Stilettos and Broke Her Ankle Instead”.

At the cemetery, there was another person there who lost his mother a week after John died.  Usually when there are other people at the cemetery they don’t speak they just go about their business.  As if strangers aren’t allowed to see you in their time of grief.  Today, the man stopped to talk to me.  He lost his mother to cancer.  FUCKING cancer!!!  Both of our loved ones graves are getting holes in them from the rain and the dirt settling.  Part of me wants to go to Foard’s and inquire as to when it will be taken care of.  Part of me is trying to be patient.  Part of me wants to get some Leaky Creek dirt & fill it in myself.  That way I’d know it got done & they’re be a little piece of home in the cemetery with John.  Time will tell what choice is taken.  I just hope that the vault doesn’t end up showing… then I’ll really FLIP out!

I got a chef’s salad from Pizza Boy for lunch.  I thought I’d better eat something green.  I was hoping to save half of it for dinner, but ate the whole thing…. it was DELICIOUS!!!

I called the chief of AFD & spoke with him, some.  I asked if we could get copies of his “commendations.”

I brought John’s Navigator that I used up from the basement.  Cleaned it up a little bit… poor thing looked so dirty… still does.  John always babied his bikes and kept them nice & clean.   Nathaniel was napping and I had the baby monitor on the porch, so I decided to go for a quick spin.  I just hoped I wouldn’t wreck.  I’m a novice cyclist at best.  I enjoy it, but I’m a little leery at the same time… not particularly wanting to end up on the pavement (or gravel).  As a kid, I didn’t ride bikes a lot & the ones we had didn’t even have gears and you pedaled backwards for brakes!  So, John had been teaching me about switching gears and a little about climbing hills.  But I haven’t been on  a bike since pre-Nathaniel– well at least after discovering I was pregnant.  I’m pretty sure that I was pregnant (and just didn’t know it) when we did the 40 mile bike ride on the NCR trail.  It explains why I was SO beat doing it!  lol

Anyway, I put on one of John’s helmets and  clumsily got on the Navigator and took a few circuits around the yard.  I wished I could remember more about switching the gears as I had a really hard time coming up the hill.  I missed John.  He had so much that he could have taught me.  That is one of the hard things about losing John.  John had so much knowledge that he could have shared and he loved training.  I think given the opportunity he could have gone really far in the fire service.

I had made a mental note of things to accomplish today… get the books from the library- check; hook up the bike trailer- pending; find out the status on the Jeep’s maintenance.

The last one was difficult.  I knew that John typically got the Jeep serviced at Adam’s I had to make a few phone calls to determine the status, but the jeep is WAY overdue for its 60K service.  Hopefully, I can get it in the shop soon!

I then tried to hook up the bike trailer to the Navigator, but I don’t know if it is right, so I want to confer with the “experts” first!  I didn’t really think it would be good if the rear tire just fell off.

This evening with Nathaniel in the “baby corral,”  I was able to bring Remi out and lunge him briefly.  I’m glad that Nathaniel was so good!  Remi was also a superstar, too!

And that’s our day..

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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