Random thought about Heaven

I’ve been busy the last few days and really need to add some updates, but I had a random thought that seemed to need it’s own entry.

Today, Mom & I slaved on cleaning the paddocks and run-ins.  We moved the “horsey condo” and turned Winston out on the grass.  I really wish my tractor skills were better.  It’s hard to maneuver with the bush hog on the back, but I can’t hook and unhook the mower & I need it on for a project.  I did manage to turn on the mower & cut a few weeds in the field and didn’t break the shear pin!  The tractor seems to be running much better & Charlie lubed the brakes and now the parking brake works again.

Anyway, as I’m driving through the field, I notice that there is a good bit of grass out there.  They don’t have any part of it all the way chewed down… which is typically what you find with 4 horses grazing in late summer.  I thought to myself that the geldings could certainly go out there.

The problem is that Amber HATES Remington.  She’s hated him since she was a few weeks old.  I’ve had enough vet bills this past year to last an eternity and large vet bills are not in “Operation Save the House” budget.  So, I was hesitant to turn the boys out.  But, since my mother was there, I decided that I did have an extra set of hands… why not…

At first the girls had a field day chasing the geldings.  Everybody was so beautiful.  I know my crew isn’t perfect, but they’re a pretty nice group of horses.  Willow even looked nice.  Wilson is such a pretty mover- it’s a shame he hasn’t been in the show ring yet.  Remi looked awesome.  Amber is such a pretty mover.  Squall is 22 this year and she’s still got it!  After a long while they chilled out.  Eventually, the QHs stuck together, the bays, & the boys.  At times the girls would chase the boys.  Finally, Willow & Squall tried to make peace with the boys.  They had been great friends when they were turned out before.

On one trip down to the pile, I noticed that Willow was having a tender moment with Wilson.  It was like she finally realized that Wilson was her son.  They’d been separated for quite a while.   You could tell that they were just enjoying each others’ company.

It brought tears to my eyes.  They say that horses forget who there mothers are after they are weaned.  In my horses cases that doesn’t seem to be true.  It was obvious that Wilson & Willow remembered each other.  Squall & Remi remember each other too.  Amber & Tiny live together and are best friends.  Of course… we won’t go into the relationship that Winston & Squall would have if they were allowed– wouldn’t have a “G” rating… but what do you expect from a stallion… lol…

All I could think of was… when Nathaniel gets to Heaven (which hopefully is about 80 plus years from now) will he recognize his Daddy?  I know John is watching over us.  But, will Nathaniel, recognize his father?  I hope so.  But I don’t know the answer.

I have the job of helping Nathaniel remember his father.  I hope that I can do John justice.  I hope that I’ll have lots of help from family members and friends who knew John well.  I worry a lot about Nathaniel not having his father in his life and not having a father figure.  When I put Nathaniel to bed tonight, I told him like I do every night when I put him to bed, “Mommy & Daddy love you– forever and ever– always.”  This time, I started crying.

Our Anniversary is this week.  It’s going to be rough.  Sigh.  I’m trying to remember the happy times, but instead, I find myself missing my other half and not feeling very whole.

About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
This entry was posted in Family, Friends, Horses, Leaky Creek, Life after John's Death, Nathaniel and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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