Happy Anniversary!

Today, John and I would have shared four years of happily married life together.  I’m still going to consider it to be my anniversary… we didn’t choose to end our marriage.

At midnight my friend, Shannon, and we talked for hours.  Remembering happy memories, and talking about life without John.  Finally at about 3:30 AM, after my third wind had depleted, I went to bed.

As I laid in the darkness listening to the rain, I shed some tears.  The rain seemed so appropriate.  As if tears from John were raining down from Heaven since he wished he could be there laying in bed next to me.  I miss John so much.  I still feel like his presence is around and Nathaniel will always be a reminder of John to me.  But, I do miss his physical self and there still is and will always be a hole in my heart.  John was the love of my life will always be.

This AM when I awoke it was overcast.  I hurried to feed the horses since Nathaniel was already stirring.  I looked to the roof of the run in shed and there was the solitary mourning dove.  I had seen it yesterday also, but hadn’t seen it for a week or so before that.  It stayed the whole time that I fed.  It was very comforting…. I looked towards the Heavens and told John that I loved him & Happy Anniversary.

Yes, I do think that John is still with me.

I don’t know if they have computers in Heaven, but “Happy Anniversary, John!  I will forever love you.  Love ALWAYS.”

About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
This entry was posted in Events in honor of John, Friends, Horses, Life after John's Death, Nathaniel, Pre-stage IV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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