The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them

Above is the title of a book, by  David Richo, that I have not yet read.

You may ask, “How can you “blog” about something that you haven’t read?”

That is a good question.  Now for the answer.

The book is currently being read by a good friend of mine and co-worker, Steve.  Steve calls me everyday just to check in and make sure that I’m hanging in there.  In a time when so many friends, don’t know what to say or do, so they do and say nothing, Steve is someone who has truly been there for me.  Till one has been in my shoes, you don’t understand how meaningful a simple phone call, e-mail, FB message, invitation for a meal, or visit can be.

I will also mention that Steve plays poker…. a lot… so he knows when, “I’m doing okay,” means I’m doing okay and he knows when it’s a front.

Anyway… Steve has enlightened me to the contents of the book.  In describing the “Five things that we cannot change,”  it appears that like the stages of grief… I’m hitting all of them…

There are certain facts of life that we cannot change—the unavoidable “givens” of human existence:

(1) everything changes and ends,

(2) things do not always go according to plan,

(3) life is not always fair,

(4) pain is a part of life, and

(5) people are not loving and loyal all the time

I think it is pretty self explanatory for my situation.

Steve said he’ll loan me the book once he’s finished.  Maybe then I can figure out how to “embrace” them.

In general, I think I do pretty well with change- changing computer programs, changing job functions…

Now having your life turned upside down, loosing your love of a lifetime, and then feeling like the world is having fun kicking you in the head (while laughing at you and pointing)… repeatedly… that is a little tougher to adapt to.

Like evolution, my “change” is a work in progress.  There will be things that will happen that will make me stronger and more adapted.  There will be things like appendixes and splint bones that don’t really serve a purpose and can cause lots of pain.  Deep in my heart,  I do know that I’ll be “okay,” Nathaniel will be fine, and I’ll find a way to make things work.  I know it won’t be easy.  At times it hasn’t and won’t be fun.  Survival of the fittest may come into play at some point… I just hope I’m well enough evolved, by then.

And cue Van Halen… for John…

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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