A little bird

I had all sorts of running around that I did, today.  I went to church for the first time in the church (as opposed to Beach Church).  It was a little challenging with Nathaniel and not having Charlie there for the first time that I went (He had a Ravens game– The won– the conquered!!!)  Eventually, I took Nathaniel to the nursery because I thought he’d really start getting loud.  I was worried that he’d have a fit when I tried to go, but he was good.  I missed Pastor Mark- he’s on vacation.  But, I’m glad that I went.

Then along the way we went to Home Depot to look at ceiling fans… Nathaniel had a mini meltdown in there.  I told him he should quit crying he was in a “man store” and someday, hopefully, he’d get really excited to go to Home Depot.  I had heard from somebody that Home Depot had family restrooms & this one did!  Whew!!!  I’m still not sure how mommy is supposed to go to the bathroom if she doesn’t have a stroller and kiddo thinks he’ll just take a tour of the restroom and touch everything he can get his hands on.  YUCK!!!  It was so nice to just be able to pull the shopping cart in with me & have plenty of room!

Nathaniel then had a MAJOR meltdown in Penny’s.  I had to return some jeans that were too big.  I would have thought it would have been easy… exchange for a smaller size- no such luck.  Nathaniel was tired & cranky & he SCREAMED & SCREAMED & SCREAMED & SCREAMED!!!!  It was awful… I couldn’t even go anywhere because we were being helped by the world’s slowest person who didn’t know how to do any of the exchange!!!

After all of the running was done, we headed to the cemetery quickly.  As I pulled up I thought I saw a little bird sitting on John’s grave.  I thought… no it’ can’t be a little bird… it must be a leaf that looks like a bird.

Then, I get out of the Subaru and sure enough it is a bird.  It’s not moving.  I’m within 6 feet of it.

Next, I think, maybe it’s a fake bird.  Somebody read the blog and got a bird to put on John’s grave.  But why would they put it there?  It was about 3/4 of the way towards the foot of the grave.

Then, I think, oh no… it must be dead… it’s not moving.  I stare at it from about 2 or 3 feet away and think I can see it moving, but wonder if it myself moving.  Then it opens it’s beak!

The bird isn’t a baby.  It doesn’t appear to be sick.  It doesn’t appear injured.

I knelt on the ground, rubbing John’s marker, watching the bird.  It sat there quietly for as long as I was there.  I thought to myself… if I only had a camera… then I remembered, John’s phone (which I switched to) has a camera phone.  I’d never used the phone, but I figured it out and took some pictures.  I don’t know if any of them turned out.  I’m not sure how to upload them.  If any of them turn out, I’ll add them to the post.

At times, I was within 2 feet of the bird.  It was amazing.  Part of me wanted to reach out, to see if I could touch it.  But, I felt out of respect to leave it be and not disturb or scare it.

I just hope that when I go to the cemetery tomorrow there isn’t a dead bird on his grave.  That would be pretty disappointing.

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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