Another ‘First Without’- Back to work

Well… it’s time to make the donuts… back to the factory… another day… another dollar…

The time has come to return to work.  As much as I’d love to stay home and raise my son, I can’t and continue to have the things that I want to have… you know things like my horses and my farm.  Things I don’t want to lose.

I realize that raising my child is of utmost importance as well.  So, I’m trying to be supermom!  I’ll keep you posted on how that works out…

Monday was tough… I kept thinking back to the conversations that John and I had had about raising children.  He would say that parents should always adjust themselves for the good of their children and not make the kids fit into the parents lives.  John also strongly believed that a parent should be the one to raise their child and a parent was the best person to watch their child.

When there were two of us, I think we did a great job upholding the above.  But lets face it… with one parent who has to work- unless I can become self employed, have a work from home employer, or find a rare employer that allows you to bring your child to work– I can’t fulfill the second statement.

However, I can do what I can do to make the first one work.  I do have off three days, that allows me to spend 3 days with my son, instead of the typical 2 day weekend that most people have.  So, that is a bonus.  I also am going to try to do what I can to continue to work nights.  That hopefully will allow me to have more waking time with my son and to allow me to continue to do the majority of his raising.

In addition, I have a good friend watching him.  I feel like Nathaniel will be treated just like her own daughter whom she does a great job parenting.  So, with the hand that I’ve been dealt, I think I’m doing the best that I can do.

I’ve had a few people volunteer to watch Nathaniel for a few hours so that I can get some sleep.  I certainly hope that we can work that out.

The say it take a village to raise a child.

And the first day back to work… it went well.  It was good to see everybody.  Good to see that I haven’t forgotten everything.  I have no desk at this point.  Some of my log ins work.  I did side by sides.  In a few days, I should be right back in the swing of things.

The only bump in the road was that my badge isn’t working.  The security guard insisted on making me wear a badge reserved for visitors and those who have forgotten their badges.  Luckily, my buddy was with me and kept me from saying what I really wanted to tell her.  I’m sorry… I have a badge… it has my name & photo on it… it just isn’t working in the reader… no need to put a label on me.  They never did that in the past, they just had you fill out a form to get a new badge.

My buddy explained that I’d been out on short term.  The guard asked if I was okay.  I just replied, “No!”

I wasn’t in the mood to explain and quite frankly it wasn’t her business.

I’m thinking, maybe I should just have a badge made up that says something like… “excluding the whole dearly beloved dead husband thing, I’m doing okay.”

Luckily, the night teams are pretty close knit and just about everybody knows my situation.  Quite a few people had met John.  So, it’s a lot easier than working during the day where there would be a ton of people who wouldn’t know.

So… we’ll see… time will tell if I can stay on nights and raise kiddo the way that I want.  I’ll make something work… pull a rabbit out of a hat or something…

About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
This entry was posted in Friends, Life after John's Death, Nathaniel, Pre-stage IV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Another ‘First Without’- Back to work

  1. Tonya says:

    if anyone can do it, you can. Life owes you some good luck for a while, say the next 40 years….at least!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s