Who would ever think…

Who would ever think that changing a toilet paper roll would bring out sadness and make me miss John.  Grief happens in the strangest forms.  Well, it’s probably the last roll of toilet paper that John purchased or at least that was purchased while John was alive.  John always got Cottonelle Ultra, double roll… purple package with the puppy on it.

After he passed away there was a coupon and a good deal at Babies ‘R Us.  One of those buy three of these products and save like $5.00 or something.  So, I got a different kind of toilet paper.

Didn’t stoop to that “cowboy TP.”  There are limits on frugality.

So, it was just sad for me changing out the last roll of Cottonelle.

It’s also a Tuesday.  Just like Nathaniel was born on a Wednesday and every Wednesday signified another week older.  John & I would talk about the silliness of measuring weeks old for babies, but we both knew exactly how many weeks old Nathaniel was.  Eventually time becomes measured in months and finally years.

Well, John died on a Tuesday, so every Tuesday is one more week without John.

For both Nathaniel and John, I’ve stopped counting weeks and months…  there’s not enough room in my brain to remember everything and time is pretty inconsequential to me now.  When somebody asks me how old Nathaniel is, my reply now is, “He was a year in July.”

What a difference a year makes… July2008 probably was the highest point in our lives to July 2009- without a doubt the lowest point.

So… it’s a Tuesday and I’m missing my John.

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
This entry was posted in Life after John's Death, Nathaniel, Pre-stage IV, Stage IV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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