Odd dream

Thankfully, just a dream…

I dream that I’m somewhere with my mother… like a park or camp or somewhere.  I happen to see her walking towards me and she’s smoking a cigarette.  I look at her and glare… speechless.

She looks at me and says, “What, I’m smoking a cigarette.  What, can’t I smoke a cigarette.  It’s not like it’s illegal.  All those free beers and I never drink.”

I just stare at her.  I hate smoking.  I tell people that Nathaniel would have two more grandparents if it weren’t for cigarettes.  John hated smoking too.  He’d even told me on more than one occasion (for whatever reason- I guess he felt strongly about it) that he’d dump me in an instant if I ever smoked (not that I ever would).

Then my mother starts crying.  She says she’s under a lot of stress.

I look at her like she’s insane.

Then she says that she finally got the cancer that Grandma had had and that it doesn’t look good.  My grandmother- well actually both of them- had colon cancer- one survived… one went into remission for years and then it came back and took her life.

I can’t even have a meltdown… I’m just so shocked.  My mother starts to breakdown and says, “I thought you knew.  I thought we told you.”  Then she takes off a wig and is bald.

Then I wake up… and it’s just a dream… Phew!!!!  It was so disturbing that I almost made a phone call to my parents.

And without being a dream expert, I can give a brief analysis.  A lot has been on my mind lately.

A friend of mine is smoking again.  She’d stopped before I went out of work and I was so happy for her.  John was even happy for her.  John was always so supportive whenever anybody would quit smoking.  I said something about her starting again and got told that it wasn’t my place and she was under a lot of stress.  In reality, she’s an adult and it’s none of my business.  On the flip side, she’s a friend and I’d prefer to never in my life see another person come down with cancer as a result of smoking.

Colon cancer does run in my family.  On both sides.  I had a physical and discussed this with my PCP and she suggested I see a specialist in case they decide to do early screening.  That appointment is this week.  I’d much rather go through a little bit of discomfort as prevention than find out too late.

I also have recently been upset about finding out some news via e-mail that should have warranted a phone call.  Luckily, nothing as serious as a parent having cancer.  But in this day and age, IMO too many people don’t use proper etiquette- it is far to easy to slap something on a FB status or in a mass e-mail rather than picking up the phone.  I think that technology has made us less personable people sometimes and that is a shame if you ask me.  There are still somethings that should be said in person.

All I can say is luckily it was just a dream!