Thankfully, just a dream…
I dream that I’m somewhere with my mother… like a park or camp or somewhere. I happen to see her walking towards me and she’s smoking a cigarette. I look at her and glare… speechless.
She looks at me and says, “What, I’m smoking a cigarette. What, can’t I smoke a cigarette. It’s not like it’s illegal. All those free beers and I never drink.”
I just stare at her. I hate smoking. I tell people that Nathaniel would have two more grandparents if it weren’t for cigarettes. John hated smoking too. He’d even told me on more than one occasion (for whatever reason- I guess he felt strongly about it) that he’d dump me in an instant if I ever smoked (not that I ever would).
Then my mother starts crying. She says she’s under a lot of stress.
I look at her like she’s insane.
Then she says that she finally got the cancer that Grandma had had and that it doesn’t look good. My grandmother- well actually both of them- had colon cancer- one survived… one went into remission for years and then it came back and took her life.
I can’t even have a meltdown… I’m just so shocked. My mother starts to breakdown and says, “I thought you knew. I thought we told you.” Then she takes off a wig and is bald.
Then I wake up… and it’s just a dream… Phew!!!! It was so disturbing that I almost made a phone call to my parents.
And without being a dream expert, I can give a brief analysis. A lot has been on my mind lately.
A friend of mine is smoking again. She’d stopped before I went out of work and I was so happy for her. John was even happy for her. John was always so supportive whenever anybody would quit smoking. I said something about her starting again and got told that it wasn’t my place and she was under a lot of stress. In reality, she’s an adult and it’s none of my business. On the flip side, she’s a friend and I’d prefer to never in my life see another person come down with cancer as a result of smoking.
Colon cancer does run in my family. On both sides. I had a physical and discussed this with my PCP and she suggested I see a specialist in case they decide to do early screening. That appointment is this week. I’d much rather go through a little bit of discomfort as prevention than find out too late.
I also have recently been upset about finding out some news via e-mail that should have warranted a phone call. Luckily, nothing as serious as a parent having cancer. But in this day and age, IMO too many people don’t use proper etiquette- it is far to easy to slap something on a FB status or in a mass e-mail rather than picking up the phone. I think that technology has made us less personable people sometimes and that is a shame if you ask me. There are still somethings that should be said in person.
All I can say is luckily it was just a dream!