Those little things that you don’t expect…

I went to a friend’s child’s baptism yesterday.

It was in the church where they got married.  I had been her Maid of Honor and John had been one of his groomsmen.  I didn’t expect to get emotionally hit, but I did.   The only time I had been in the church was when they got married.  I kept thinking back to that day.  How John looked at me.  He liked the way, I cleaned up 🙂  We had so much fun at their reception.  It was just such a magical night.  Their wedding was in December and we’d only met each other at the end of August, so the relationship was new.  If you asked me the moment that John really fell in love with me… I’d have to say it was then.

After the reception was over, I’d went back to his house, he’d helped me pull the “twigs” out of my hair.  There was so much hair spray in my hair.  I’m pretty much the ultimate in low maintenance… I can take a shower in less than ten minutes… brush out my hair and let it air dry.  In fact I barely even get my hair cut more than once or twice a year.  That’s just the way I am… no glamor gal here!  John hadn’t really seen me all ‘fancied’ up before.

I was going to be so late going home, I lived with my parents back then, that I didn’t want to wake them up to help me with my dress.  I couldn’t get it unzipped.  John unzipped it down to where I can reach it.  That was it.  A few kisses of course, but nothing more.

Yeah… we took our relationship very slow.  It made everything all the more special.  There aren’t very men like that.  But John wasn’t just any man.  sigh.  We’d kid around because his mother used to say, “I didn’t raise you like that!” when John would say or do something she didn’t think was appropriate.  In reality,  his mom couldn’t have done a better job raising him.

Being in that church brought back all of those memories.  Little Nathaniel was such a star.  He couldn’t have been better behaved!  He sat there happily eating his ‘puffs’ and drinking his milk.  I just wished so much that John could have been there for our friend’s special moment and to see how well Nathaniel was behaving.

In addition to the baptism, our friend’s parents also renewed vowels in honor of their 40th wedding anniversary.  I didn’t think it would affect me, but I spent the whole time trying not to openly sob.  I hadn’t anticipated my emotions and didn’t have kleenex on me.  Bad mistake.  Baby wipes just don’t work well for wiping tears and blowing noses.  I just kept wishing that John and I could have had 40 years of happily wedded bliss and not a little less than 4.

After the reception, I stopped at the cemetery.  I stood there, said my words to John, and cried.  I just missed him so much.  Life just isn’t fair sometimes.  There are so few good men, I find a great one, fall in love, date a long time, get married, have a great marriage, we have a son, he’s an awesome parent– our love got even stronger with parenthood– we were so happy– one happy little family… and then I loose him.

At least, I have Nathaniel.  He has his daddy’s eyes.  He’s a thinker like his father and he definitely can sleep like his daddy.  Yesterday, he took all of the papers off of the table.  I thought boy what a mess I have now.  Later, I glance over and he put them all back up on the table.  I’ve been told that when John was a kid he’d put his toys back in their boxes when he was done with them.  I think as time goes on, I’ll find even more resemblances and likenesses…  I hope so!  Phenotype= genotype + environment.  Some things are just in the genes.  Poor kid will be a mess if he turns out like his mother!

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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One Response to Those little things that you don’t expect…

  1. jho2 says:

    Wendy, Samantha and I are very happy that you both could come. It was a special event in our life and you and Nathaniel made it that much more so.

    Nathaniel couldn’t have been more an angel during the event. He sat so quietly eating his Puffs in the pew. He also did a nice job of keep Samantha distracted until the Baptism ceremony.

    Samantha, on the other hand, was quite the opposite. She wanted to run around the church like a screaming Banshee. I have to give her credit though, she had several large baby teeth breaking through and was in some pain.

    Initially, after reading your Blog, I was feeling sorry that the location, people, and event sparked so many memories of John. However, after thinking about it for a bit, I’m glad that it did. Not for the emotional pain that you felt but for the memories themselves. They are all wonderful, happy memories. The details that you recalled seem so vivid. And, I think that, one day they will help you tell Nathaniel the story about the great man that was his father, John P. Smith II.

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