My sitter had a dream about John last night. She’d only met John once and that was when he was sick. She knows how much I loved him and what a wonderful father he was. I love how she makes sure to mention John when talking to Nathaniel. If he wakes up crying, she’ll go and hold him and tell him that everything is okay– his Daddy is watching over him.
In her dream the two of them were biking on a long ride. They stopped at people’s houses along the way. She said that John didn’t talk much. (Yep, that would be John). The two of them were just having a great time… enjoying the day and the ride.
I asked her if I was in the dream too. She said that I was. She thinks I was walking with her sister. So, in her dream, I got to see John again.
I told her I hoped I could have another long embrace and kiss.
That is one of the things I miss the most. Just having him hold me and feeling that warm, safe, secure feeling. Everything was okay when I was wrapped in his arms. And now that’s gone.
It was ironic that she had the dream about riding bikes on a long ride. I had been thinking just yesterday about the Sea Gull Century… and thinking that it was about this time of year. Remembering the fun we had and how proud I was of him for achieving his goal!
Today, marks 3 calendar months since John’s death. I’ve had a birthday without him, celebrated an anniversary with out him, watched the leaves turn colors, and watched Nathaniel grow and develop in so many ways… In many ways three months is a short time, but for some reason it feels like an eternity ago.
Miss you John… till we meet again… Love always…