I was torn.  Part of me wanted to take Nathaniel out for Trick- or- Treating.  Part of me said, why bother… he’s too little and I don’t have John to enjoy the experience.  I didn’t decide to take him out till after 4 PM.

I thought about last year.  John had wanted to take him out.  I kind of let John make the choice since he was recovering from his surgery on Columbus Day (to remove melanoma from a lymph node).  We didn’t have an official costume to him… just had him in his winter suit that had ears and looked like a little bear.  It didn’t go very well last year… we hadn’t fed him before we left, he probably was too hot, he’d fallen asleep in the car and then we take him into a strange house while he’s sleepy,  and it was too close to his bedtime.  He had a meltdown at the first house.  We used it as a learning opportunity.  Live and learn.

I knew if John was here, he’d want Nathaniel to go see the relatives.

I knew that the aunts would appreciate seeing Nathaniel.

I also had a feeling that once I got out that I’d be glad that I had.

I was right.

We had seen John’s Aunt Marie in the afternoon.  She even helped put together his kitchen that I got for him.  I’m looking for toys that can quietly occupy him while I nap.  Several people told me… all kids love playing with the kitchen sets and it can occupy them for hours!

Nathaniel playing with his kitchen set.

So far it seems to be a winner!  This was a relatively inexpensive one purchased at the dollar store.  I’m hoping it will hold up.

For Halloween I dressed him as a bear.  It was a hand me down costume that he pretty much fits into.  It’s a little small in parts, but others fit him perfectly.  It works and you can’t beat the price.

Nathaniel Bear, October 31, 2009

First, we walked over to see our neighbors… they were thrilled to see the boy.

Then we headed over to see John’s Aunt Linda & Bob & then stopped by to see John’s Aunt Di & Uncle Harold.  Everybody was thrilled to see him and glad that we stopped by.  It was nice to hang out and see everybody.  At the same time there was the heartbreak that John wasn’t there with us.

So many things are twofold… the joy of the moment and heartbreak of the not having John to share and experience the moment.  I can’t even describe how much I miss him.  Love always…

About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
This entry was posted in Family, Life after John's Death, Nathaniel, Pre-stage IV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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