My amazing friend, Shannon, and I were talking last night. She told me that she thinks I’m doing well all things considered. Some days I think I am and other days, not so much. She like so many other people is concerned that I’m not taking time out for me. So, she left me with a homework assignment: I’m to come up with a list of three things that I’d like to do for me:
One was easy… get back in the saddle again… get riding time. Enjoy my overpriced dogs. Re-create that bond that is just magical between horse and rider. Be able to just think something and communicate with your horse.
The other two required some thought. I don’t spend a lot of time on me. I haven’t for a long, long time. I despise shopping- especially clothes shopping. Spending money gives me headaches and makes me worry. I’m also pretty darn boring… I don’t drink, don’t party, and don’t travel. I also have a deep rooted belief that I don’t want to pawn Nathaniel off on anybody to do something that I’d like to do. I’m certainly not going to pay anybody to watch him while I go out and “have fun.” I grew up in a “family” environment… when we did things… we did them together. That is what I want for my “family.” Although, honestly it doesn’t feel like much of a family without John.
I thought all night about number two… on top of it my head was already throbbing from a headache I’ve had since Sunday. So, in short, thinking was not my strong point last night.
I think that number two would probably be to be able to “run” 5Ks again. The word run in a relative term… in my case it is pretty slow jogging… lol… no land speed records to break here. I’m not a runner. But running the 5Ks was something that taught me that I could accomplish things that if I put my mind to it. When I was successful, I felt good about myself and I looked forward to seeing if I could decrease my time or just feel more fit. I also felt healthier and stronger when I was running.
Number three… I don’t know. It’s probably pretty pathetic when you can’t think of three things to do for yourself that would make you happy…. but I can’t think of number 3.
I can think of a lot of things that would make me happy… having the long field fenced with run in sheds so I could put the horses out there… that would make me happy. Having the tractor under roof would also make me happy. Having the brown shed and the run in shed with the leaky roof fixed or replaced would make me happy. Having a riding ring would make me happy. Also fixing whatever problem is making water come in the basement would make me very happy. But those are all things that I can’t do myself. Some of them are also projects where help is pending.
So… I’m still thinking about number three. Ms. Rodgers didn’t tell me when my homework assignment is due… I guess I still have time…