Crisp night, day filled of memories

I just got in from feeding the horses.  The air is crisp with a chill to it.  The grass is beginning to form a frost and the windshield of the Forester is becoming covered covered by icy fingers.  Other than my frozen fingers (bad choice of gloves for the Reynaud fingers), it is so peaceful- so quiet- so still.

I’m tired, but my time outside momentarily gave me new life.

It was a long day, but one filled with many good memories.  A friend, her daughter, Nathaniel, and I went out to lunch, dinner, and Christmas shopping.  I bought a few things for Nathaniel.  I love the age where you can go shopping for him and he doesn’t care that he sees what you’re getting for him and won’t let him have till later.

I got several things for myself- a cozy pair of pajamas made of fleece.  They weren’t the footy pajamas that I wanted, but they were so soft and warm and 40% off.  I figure I’m worth 40% less.  I hate sleeping in a cold bed alone.  Hate it!!!  Hate it!!!  Hate it!!! But, since it is something, I have to do, I might as well be warm doing it.

I got 2 pairs of thermal socks at buy one get one 1/2 off.  I figured my feet deserved them… especially till my pair of Brit Middies come in.  I found a heck of a deal on them, but they didn’t have my size.  My current pair that I LOVE and has lasted for quite a few years has holes in it and my feet get wet or cold when the weather is less than ideal.

Yesterday, I got a Pik Stik at Ace when it was on sale.  It will come in handy if I decide to do a project that I’m considering.  I thought of how John wanted one when he was bedridden, but I had no clue where to get one.

A family that I met in the cemetery gave me a great idea.  Her son died in an auto accident and left behind two boys.  In her house she used a wall as a tribute area.  I liked the idea and ran it past a few friends.  I want to honor John, or family, and our life together, but I don’t want to seem like I’m stuck in a rut and obsessed.  My friends loved the idea.  It’s still coming to fruition in my head.  I often need mulling time and eventually things will come to me.  Sometimes I get some excellent suggestions from others and it is a collaborative effort.  So, we’ll see.  But, I picked up a set of shelves and some cubes that I can use to decorate.  I’m trying to figure out what I want to do for frames.  I’m not sure if random colors and sizes would be best or if it would be best to have them all one style.  John would probably pick silver/stainless steel, but you really need the right kind of photo to go well with a silver frame.  I also don’t know that our color of wall goes with silver frames.  I don’t intend on painting the wall!  I got a deal on some prints… 50 4 x6 prints for $5.00, so I ordered 50 photos that I liked of John (Here’s the link if you want to see them).  So… I have some photos to start with.  I picked them up today and LOVE how they turned out.  But, who knows when it will happen.  I need somebody with decorating style.

I’m also on a mission to make my house warmer without spending a ton of money on oil this year.  I’ve had no luck finding a space heater that will keep my warm and cozy.  So, at the recommendation of a friend which was backed up by other friends, I got some window insulating kits.  When the wind blows, which it often does, you can just feel the air coming in from the front of the house.  I also got an insulated curtain to hang in front of the patio door.  My friend suggested a goldish color.  I wasn’t quite sure how it would look, but after we hung it, I LOVE it!!  It brightens the room and adds some visual excitement to the room.  When we got home, my friends helped me put up some of the window kits.  So, hopefully that will help.

We shared fond memories of John.  From how he’d laugh at her cutting abilities as we were putting up the plastic.  We talked about how much Nathaniel looks like John.  John had been her husband’s best man for his first wedding.  John pointed out a window and mentioned that her husband still had time to jump.  We talked about John’s favorite holiday.  Honestly, my assumption would be Christmas, but I think after John lost his father, Christmas just wasn’t the same.  We’d talked about it last Christmas and John was finally starting to think that he’d enjoy Christmas again now that he had a child.  Sigh.

Well… I”m getting tired… it’s almost 2 AM… staying up till I’m tired is most effective for me.  So- time for bed…

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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