There it is again- “John Smith”

I left my cell phone next to my bed last night… or this AM… It was after 2 AM when I went to bed.  When I woke up this AM, I got dressed, put on my watch, and grabbed the cell.  I noticed that there was a call on the front.  When I picked it up and looked at it, there it was again- “John Smith.”  When I flipped it open to check the details “12/15/08.”

I smiled, rubbed my ring, rubbed the phone, and said a “I love you.” to John.  Then I fondly put my cell phone (which used to be his cell phone) in my pocket.

I wondered:

  • if it was just a friendly hello.
  • did he know that I needed a smile.
  • maybe he’s happy that my parents are up to visit Nathaniel.
  • perhaps he’s happy that we went through Herr’s last night to show Nathaniel the lights.  Nathaniel “oohed & ahhed” as we drove through.
  • maybe he’s happy that I got my new pair of Brit Middies from Oxford and I won’t have cold wet feet anymore!
  • if he’s glad that we’re going to the doctor today to get Nathaniel’s ear checked out and my odd pains (that I’ve been putting off and ignoring for months) looked at.
  • it could be that he’s happy that Soil Conservation came out to see if we might qualify for any of their plans.  That I want to get fencing put up and maintain the pasture correctly, start out on the right foot, and do everything that I can to have happy, healthy horses, low maintenance care, and keep it well maintained with goals of keeping our farm as mud free as possible and have it be a farm that we’re proud of- one that is efficient, functional, and well maintained.
  • maybe he’s happy that we’re planning to go to Longwood Gardens to see the Christmas displays.  I know Nathaniel will be amazed because it always impresses me!
  • but, it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s happy with the project I’ve been working on and will be delivering today.  I think he’d be very proud of that.  My friend and her daughter have been working tirelessly for the last two days and I’ve been putting thought in it to make them as nice as I can for over a month.  As we put the finishing touches on them, I’m very happy with how they turned out and I can’t wait to deliver them to Annapolis, today!!!
  • maybe he’s even happy that after the delivery, we’ll be having a “ladies night out.”  I don’t know that it would exactly be his choice, it’s not mine either, but it will be nice to get out!  I love my son with all of my heart, but it’s nice to be an adult for a while and not always “mommy.”

Whatever the reason… “Thank you, John.  I love you…”

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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