Constant reminders EVERYWHERE… It brings back memories of John’s first and only Father’s Day and the struggle of what to do now… What do I do with my precious son, who now no longer has a living father?
Of course, he’s only almost two and probably won’t remember anything of this Father’s Day… so, whatever I do is fine. It is highly doubtful that I’ll scar him forever and he’ll need intense therapy from what we did on the Father’s Day.
I want to make Father’s Day a special day where kiddo and I spend time together and do something special and remember what a wonderful father he had and how much his daddy loved him. I really hope that I can convey that to Nathaniel as he gets older.
Now it’s easy… Mommy is the one who’s broken & grieving although I usually hide it from kiddo. It’s really amazing about how good you get at hiding tears. I can cry at my desk and nobody notices. I can cry in my car and then walk into a store with complete composure. I don’t want to scare or worry my child.
Kiddo is happy… has a wonderful laugh… smiles a lot… and seems to do pretty much everything that a healthy, (usually) happy almost 2 year old does (except for that he doesn’t watch TV at home.)
But one day he’ll realize that he’s different from most of the other kids… because they have living daddies. I don’t know quite how I’ll handle that day when it comes, but I think it is important that he knows how much his Daddy loved him and what a wonderful man his father was.
So, I don’t quite know what we’ll be doing for Father’s Day, but I have some ideas.