Perfect Christmas Gift…

I found the perfect Christmas gift.  It combines two of his loves… cycling and computers/gaming.

It even would have worked with his beloved Trek road bike.

It would alleviate the boredom of indoor training…  and would have allowed him to surf the web or play World of Warcraft (WOW).  Heck, he may have even crafted a witty e-mail to me as he turned the pedals.

It’s even affordable!!!!

As long as it works as advertised… It’s perfect… absolutely perfect…

There’s just one small problem…

he’s dead…

John’s dead…

Dead people don’t open presents on Christmas morning…

Damn fucking cancer… not only did we not get more birthdays… we got Christmas fucking taken away too…

On a side note… I HATE… DESPISE… the above commercial.  It aired when John was sick.  Every time it came on, it reminded me of the grim reality that John probably would not get to celebrate his 36th birthday.  And he didn’t… I also wish the American Cancer Society more equally benefited all types of cancer- the majority of their funding supports breast cancer.

Pink… boobs… tits… men like em… they like to look at them… touch them… caress them… play with them… (before I get too crude… you get the picture)… women like em… they like to flaunt them… show them off…  every October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month it looks like the country was practically puked on with the color pink… bottom line… that’s where the research dollars are going… and it’s working…  breast cancer rates are drastically dropping.

Don’t get me wrong, I have several friends who are fighting or are breast cancer survivors and I think all research is good and beneficial across the board and trust me… I’m all for lower cancer rates!!!  BUT- I’m very disenchanted by the disproportionate distribution of dollars (John would have loved that alliteration 😉 damn I miss him… he was the total package… wonder what percentage of men even know what alliteration means… and what percentage smile when they can come up with a good string…).

What funding does melanoma get?  Where are all the black ribbons?  Where are all the research dollars?  Where’s the increased survival rate for melanoma?  Melanoma rates are actually increasing?  Where’s the effective treatments?  Where are the varied treatment options?  Oh wait… big black moles are ugly… skin cancer isn’t pretty… yep, folks… it ain’t no boobs….

Article: Cancer Funding Doesn’t Add Up By Stephanie Paterik

Charity Navigator for ACS

Article: American Cancer Society:   The World’s Wealthiest “Nonprofit” Institution by Samuel S. Epstein M. D.

Damn fucking cancer… I would have loved to have seen the look on John’s face as he opened this one up.  I didn’t always find the perfect Christmas gift for John, but there were a few years where I really nailed it and I loved to see the look on his face.  I would have loved to seen him open this one… and loved to see enjoy himself as he pedaled away on his trainer while playing on the computer…

Of course… that is if he hadn’t found it first (he was a master at searching on the internet) and bought it for himself.  When John wanted something he usually went ahead and got it… no need to wait for a holiday to buy what you wanted.  He also was a well informed consumer… he researched and thought things through… and he usually bought quality.  Of course, in hindsight it’s probably a good thing he was like that… had he waited… he didn’t get another birthday…

Sigh…   Damn fucking cancer…

About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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