Parking space

Today, at work, I saw a car leaving the main parking lot.  I decided to pull into that spot rather than park in East Gybip.  As I pulled into the space, my heart stopped for a moment… I was parking next to a red 2 door Pontiac Grand Am.  Just like John’s old car.

Part of me wondered if it would be totally insane to make an offer on the car.

I hadn’t wanted John to sell the Grand Am for the paltry sum the gave him.  I think he’d put $1200 into repairs a few weeks earlier and then they gave him $800.  I said… “why don’t you just keep it?”

He didn’t see the need.  Why pay insurance on another vehicle?  And it was starting to have some issue that older cars and higher mileage bring.  Ironically, it would have been a lifesaver to have a spare car when the “blind man” totaled my Roo.  Okay, he wasn’t really blind… he just failed to stop at that red light that was preceded with TWO huge signs that said “NEW STOPLIGHT AHEAD” and had big orange flags protruding from the sides…  We got screwed by Erie Insurance and ended up in the hole over an accident that wasn’t my fault.  My favorite was the $125 charge they tacked on for “dirt & animal hair”- apparently Erie Insurance isn’t  aware that vacuums have been invented and thinks that a clean car is more important that the health of it’s drivers.  I should have vacuumed and detailed the car prior to getting the x-rays at the hospital.

But… it this Grand Am was the wrong year… newer than John’s… with that ugly black stripe down it.  John used to comment on how ugly the stripe was.  He was right.

And in reality… I hated to drive the Grand Am.  I didn’t like sitting so low.  It felt strange to me.  I much preferred the Roo or even the Honda before the Roo.

I loved the look of the Grand Am and I loved sitting beside John in the passenger seat.  Of course, I would have loved to sit next to John in the worst clunker out there…

I always thought his Grand Am was a sexy car.  He’d picked it out, himself (before me) and ordered it to the specifications he’d wanted.  Nothing over the top… but, the features he wanted.  John liked to do things right and he knew what he wanted.  That was the way he was.  He’d driven to Pinno to see it get unloaded from the truck and when he drove it, it only had the test mileage from the factory.

John’s car was sexy to me.  Sexy in a way that didn’t gloat or scream sexy… it just was.  It wasn’t overstated  It wasn’t a  a my penis is too small or I’m too short,  so I need an sexy car to get the chicks to look pass my physical flaws  It wasn’t a I’m going through a midlife crisis car…  not I need to show that I have a gazillion dollars and you should think I’m important sort of way… just simply sexy.

That being said I’m not someone who is hugely into sexy cars.  Actually… the sexiest vehicle to me is a BIG dually truck (not Ford) that could tow a nice trailer.  That’s sexy.  Sometimes, I wonder how many guys thought that I was checking them out when I was just trying to get a good look at their pick em up truck.  I think the Grand Am was mostly sexy because of it’s owner.

That reminds me… once we borrowed the neighbor’s truck to go pick up something horse related from tractor supply.  At the time our neighbor had a big Chevy dually.  John and I were driving along and boy… was that sexy… my handsome man in a big truck getting horse supplies… We had a good laugh about it… and somehow I refrained from dragging him off to the bedroom… (where are the little “eek” emoticons when you need them)…

Like the car… it’s owner was just simply sexy.  John didn’t think he was good looking.  He hated his long legs.  He thought he was too skinny and that he had no butt.  Me… I thought he was sexy… I liked to call John “sexy”.  I liked his long legs.  Loved his eyes and the sparkle in them and the little lines in the corner of his eyes… and his smile…  Loved the whole package.  Sometimes, I wondered how I ended up with such a good looking man… me… I’m nothing special to look at… never have been… never will be.  What you see is what you get.  John must have liked something beyond the wrapper… or maybe he just needed  new glasses…

With John… then handsomeness was just an added benefit… who he was… his wit, his humor, his intelligence, his practicality, and just who he was… that’s what there was to love about him most.  I loved watching him with Nathaniel… he loved his boy so much and you could tell.   I loved how when he put his mind to something, he could achieve it (the only thing he didn’t achieve was winning his battle with cancer).  His uncommon common sense.  John didn’t have a college degree, but he was one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.   I can’t put it into words, but if you were somebody who was lucky enough to know the “real” John… you know what I mean.  In reality, he didn’t let that many people into his close circle… a lot of people knew him, but very few REALLY knew him.  I was lucky to be one of those people.

Anyway… funny how a random parking space next to a red Grand Am can trigger so many memories…  luckily no tears at the time… could you imagine trying to explain why you’re bawling is because you parked next to a red Grand Am?

I wondered what happened to John’s Grand Am.  He said they probably sold it at auction because of it’s age and mileage.  I hoped some young guy got it and loved it as much as John did.  Who knows… it may have ended up junked for parts.

I think it’s a good thing that this one had that ugly black stripe… John and I both thought it was poor choice for the design.  If I ever would buy a Grand Prix to remember my late husband… it certainly wouldn’t have that ugly black stripe 😉


About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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