Weddings.. new babies…

A co-worker of John’s just announced that him and his wife are expecting.  They were married recently.  A few months ago the same thing happened with one of John’s close volunteer firefighter friends.

Every engagement,  wedding, pregnancy announcement, and new baby brings such a range of emotions.

Happiness for the couple and the joys they will have and love they will share.

Fond memories… getting engaged at the Ladies Aux Pizza Stand at the Carnival and not knowing if he was serious or not… but saying yes… our beautiful wedding at our house that was perfect for us… our apprehension about becoming parents… the joy we felt when kiddo was born… watching John transform from an emotionally distant quiet man into an emotional, loving father who had so many dreams for our family…

There is the wondering of how John would have responded.  His typical response probably would have been, “No shit!”  But would he have congratulated them or ribbed them about needing stock in diapers…

And sadness because my happy life… my wonderful marriage… my happy family of three… my comfortable, safe, happy life…  is gone… over… done… deceased…

and yet… I say (or type), “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you.”

I can be happy for them… and sad for me…

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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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