Who knows…

After a thought invoking conversation I was driving home in the dark reflecting, remembering, and thinking.  This “new” life.  This uncertainty.  The past that is gone.  Wondering what the future holds.  This song came on the radio… I hadn’t heard it before.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?

Hmmm… Yes… Yes, I do.  Tossed around… caught by the wind… drifting… sailing… soaring… crashing… landing in the mud… never knowing which way the ride will go… trash?  re-use?  recycle?

WAIT a minute… did those lryics just mention PLASTIC BAG?  And did I just compare my life to a PLASTIC BAG?  Oh dear… I need a hobby… wait… I have a hobby… I just don’t get to do it often… forget hobbies… I NEED A LIFE… Can I just turn of my brain for a while… stop it from meandering… wondering… grieving… Hell… at least stop it from thinking about plastic bags as a metaphor for my life… or is it simile… let’s stick with metaphor… metaphor sounds better and it’s too late for me to research it…

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?

Yes… Yes, I do…. Where is this song going?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Okay… this is getting a little personal… I usually refer to it as invisible… but, yeah this metaphor works…

Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you

Hmmm… a spark… a flicker… one blow and it’s out… never even to even reach the point of a dying ember… just a tiny bit of ash.  Or the right nourishment and it grows into a flame… keeps a fire going…

Okay… not changing the channel yet… continue on…

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

Hey… that actually sounds pretty good…

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced

Yep, thankfully, I’m an original… lol… don’t think the world needs two Mary Smiths… oh wait did I just say that… well… so, original may be slightly debatable but no question that I’m a DORK!

Keep singing…

If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Tell me about hurricane… damn cancer… and the rainbow John left for me…  Listen or change the channel… cry now or later… is this supposed to mean anything?  It’s just a song on the radio.  A song that probably a million other people know and I’ve just never heard it… but… why is it playing now… is it a sign… or just a song…

Captivated, I listened…

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

Hmmm… don’t think there’s a better road than the one I was on a few years ago… it was a pretty damn good ride while it lasted… once in a lifetime… But then again… who knows…

ou just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, Oh, Oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through-ough-ough

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, Oh, Oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, Oh, Oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Fireworks… OH GOODY!  Wait… settle down… EASY… it’s a SONG… no fireworks anytime soon…

Well… who knows… cute song anyway… time will tell…

Firework – Katy Perry


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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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