Victim of circumstance

It is a chilly, WINDY, rainy day.  The wind here at the farm is whipping.  As I hurried to feed the horses I glanced at the neglected flowerbed.  Two hyacinths had chosen this day to bloom.  A bad choice.  The top heavy plants would probably not survive the brutal winds that battered against them.  Tomorrow, the stems will probably be ripped and shredded- leaving the two beautiful flowers  mere victims of poor conformation for the winds and a victims of circumstance.  What a difference one day would have made.

Weather… natural disasters… time… technology… all can create victims of circumstance.

Sometimes technology is in our favor.  Occasionally, I ponder, If I had lived during the ice age, before the advent of eyeglasses, I probably would have been eaten by a saber toothed tiger, since without aid I can barely see a few feet in front of my face.  Had I lived in the 1700s, I surely would have died during childbirth trying to deliver my massive 10 pound baby.  So, it is with great fortune that I was born in the 1970s when comforts such as eyeglasses and modern hospitals existed.

On the flip side- other thoughts remain… how many people were born at the wrong point in history, were in the wrong spot at a certain point.

Had the terrorists of 9-11 been poor navigators and not hit the Twin Towers, so many lives would be different.

How many people would be with us if the devastating earthquake in Japan had been a 3.0 instead?  The devastation in Japan is beyond comprehension.  All of the people are victims of circumstance…

And ultimately, if we had a hundred years of research, prevention, and detection skills, and advancement in medicine, would John still be here?  Recently, a new drug, ipilimumab, was released to treat late stage melanoma.  I am filled with several emotions… joy that there is hope for those with little hope and utter despair because it’s too late for John.  Who knows if it would have made the difference or not.  But, we never had the opportunity to try.

In 2009, ipilimumab, was in the research phase.  There were studies out there.  I don’t know how many hours I spent searching the internet… on internet forums specializing in melanoma, digging… grasping… struggling… searching for something that could save my dear, beloved husband.  Ipilimumab came up again and again.  I called and e-mailed multiple research studies in the area, but they were all either full or only accepting patients who showed little or no evidence of disease… gastric tubes and wheelchairs weren’t welcome.  I never will understand how those with little hope are offered no chance.  Not welcome.  We don’t take your kind here.  There were no compassion studies.  Compassion studies were explained to me as those that allow those with basically no options, the ability to participate in research trials without their numbers altering the results.  I guess drug companies aren’t interested in the dying.

Enough of that…  I can’t bring John back.  Who knows if two years would have made a difference.  Spring weather is approaching… tomorrow, maybe more hyacinths will bloom to make up for those that were victims of circumstance. 



About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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One Response to Victim of circumstance

  1. Jane Hall says:

    Mary Kate – This is a beautiful post. I so agree with your sense of how catastrophe strikes people (and hyacinths!) and how random it sometime seems. A storm is approaching here so I am off to stake the delphiniums.

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