Ferris Wheel

Driving home, I spotted a ferris wheel at a carnival.  It was beautiful against the backdrop of the night sky… bright flashing lights drew attention to the ride.

My mind wandered to my last ferris wheel ride… with John… at the carnival… snuggled in close and conversing… smiles… happiness.

Then the song on the radio caught my ears… Lean on Me…

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrowLean on me when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need somebody to lean onPlease, swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on

You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load
You have to bear that you can’t carry
I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load
If you just call me

Call me (If you need a friend)
Call me (Call me uh-huh)
Call me (When you need a friend)
Call me (If you ever need a friend)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (If you need a friend)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (Call me)
Call me

“Lean On Me” by Bill Withers
I smiled and then felt tears slipping quietly down my cheeks… I no longer have anybody to “lean on.”  I have no doubt that John looks after me and kiddo from above, but it’s not the same.As my mind is drifting over those thoughts… I catch the next lyrics…
Well I woke up to the sound of silence
The cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight
And I found you with a bottle of wine
Your head in the curtains
And heart like the fourth of JulyYou swore and said
We are not
We are not shining stars
This I know
I never said we areThough I’ve never been through hell like that
I’ve closed enough windows
To know you can never look back

If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends
At the edge of the night
At a bar off 75
And we talked and talked
About how our parents will die
All our neighbors and wives

But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I’ve been cheated on
And it’s nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don’t roam these streets
I am not the ghost you want of me

If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Woah
My head is on fire
But my legs are fine
Cause after all they are mine
Lay your clothes down on the floor
Close the door
Hold the phone
Show me how
No one’s ever gonna stop us now

Cause we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we’re miles away
So we’ll come
We will find our way home

If you’re lost and alone
Or you’re sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on
“Carry on”
Songwriters: RUESS, NATHANIEL JOSEPH/DOST, ANDREW/ANTONOFF, JACK MICHAEL/BHASKER, JEFFREY
So… I will keep on carrying on… remembering the great memories… trudging forward… carrying on…
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About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
This entry was posted in Community Fire Company of Rising Sun, John, Life after John's Death and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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