11:09 7-23-12

Naturally, July is a tough month and the last several days have been a lot of reflecting and remembering.

11/9 was John’s B-day and I find myself catching the time frequently.  That and 9:11.

At 11:09 PM on Monday, I had the radio on to a music station as opposed to NPR.  I’ve developed the habit of listening to talk radio as yet another coping mechanism.  Talk radio usually doesn’t have lyrics about losing love, the one that got away- you get the point.  But there was something on NPR which I had about as much interest in as chopped liver, so I’d flipped the station to 98 Rock.  Often 98 Rock late nights are a little too heavy for me… remember I’m getting older… But this night was different… I liked the tunes… and I was jamming away.  Good thing the windows were rolled up… nothing like a 36 year old mom– who can’t sing to save her life– rocking out.  lol… I’m really not making a fool of myself… I’m practicing to embarrass the crap out of kiddo once he gets older.  Besides… it was dark… and barely any traffic…

Anyway, John’s favorite band was Van Halen.  I hear Unchained come on the radio .  I look at the time 11:09. Unchained by Van Halen


I smile…. think of John… and smile again.  I hope that everybody has the opportunity to find true love… I just hope yours lasts for 50 or 60 years or more… but mine wast tremendous while it lasted and I have many great memories stored safely in my heart and I will love and cherish them for as long as my heart continues to beat.

Miss you John… love you always…

About Mary K. Smith

I was widowed in July 2009, when I lost my beloved husband, John, to melanoma. Cancer SUCKS. We have a young son who was just a year old when his father died. I live on a small farm in Maryland which is home to horses, cats, and a dog. I started this blog as a way for me to heal, a way to remember my husband, and eventually I'd like to share it with our son so he can see the love that his father had for him, the love that we had for each other, what a great person his father was, and how hard his father fought to live.
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